Everyone has one of those days, from time to time. Some of us have what seems to be one of those lives, where we are on our knees begging for the hard times to end and looking up for some light through tearful eyes. It happens. Life can be painful, and finding the energy to keep going can seem like the most difficult thing at times.
Truth is, some days, really the best solution is to fall face forward into the pillows and maybe stay there until morning. Taking time to endure and nurture ourselves when we are winded, wounded and just hit our limit. I found myself there today.
Some days, I am just tired of climbing, tired of trying and tired of putting all my best effort forward only to find some circumstance outside of my control comes along like a storm blowing into town and a tornado just tears right through something I worked really hard on and decimates it. They say man plans, God laughs. Then we find ourselves screaming up at the stars....Why God? How could you let this happen to me? Haven't we all said this?
I. Sure. Have. Inhale, exhale. Here we are to live another day.
For many, the come back just is not something they ever choose. For me, I've become so acquainted with the come backs I started to really consider... there doesn't seem to be any other way to really succeed in anything if you aren't in the game bobbing and weaving on your toes. Trying to adapt to this and overcome that.
I mean, who ever said life would be fair? Who ever said it will be easy? Who ever said you cant stand in the middle of a rain shower pouring down on you and smile and dance in that rain?
I once asked a counselor, when I might receive a different result from a circumstance that was not in my control...figuratively speaking of course. The real context was regarding a man child and a topic I will leave for another day lol. The counselor said something that truly humbled me. Well, at first it angered me, but then I realized how profoundly brilliant of a response it actually was. So, what was this one powerful sentence? His answer to my question about this circumstance that was out of my control was. "When you don't see it that way."
So...at first my gut knotted and my indignation said ...ugh this guy just sucks as a counselor. He doesnt get how bad this situation that is out of my control is effecting me! Dang him! Though, after some time, and my hormones settled, I reflected on it and said, hmm...he is right. Dang it! lol
MY actual problem was how I chose to view & internalize this external circumstance. MY problem was the space I gave it in my mind and in my heart...so much that I was reeling with frustration and anger over someone and a situation completely outside of my control. I realized that I was choosing to give this person and that situation real estate in my mind and in my life and worst of all, I was viewing this person who I held space for in my life as such a negative thing.
I had established this whole list of expectations for the situation in the first place. I had determined none of those expectations were met. I then chose to stew about it and waste time and energy being angry that this person was not meeting my expectations. ALL of this was a situation manufactured in my own mind and technically was just an unhealthy dose of drama.
And that is where my counselors reply was so brilliant and humbling. I should never have created these imposed expectations of another person based off of what I would do. I can not expect anyone to be any way but how they are. It is my choice to choose to see them as whole and good or flawed and bad.
It was on me to realize these negative thoughts do not serve me and do not move me forward in my life. They were just how I perceived a person and a situation and it was on me to reframe this viewpoint to be something that could be positive.
It was a great opportunity for me to humble myself and be more fair about the unique nature of humanity. Maybe, I could give this other person and break, and maybe I could give myself a break from being worked up about it.
I could choose to see it differently. So this is a skill set, that I now practice religiously. I just choose to accept that there is going to constantly and relentlessly be an onslaught of situations that come my way that are outside of my control and will impact me. I had to learn to become amazingly talented at rewriting my plans.
If I miss the elevator, I don't get frustrated. I have learned to trust in the missed opportunities. I relinquish my need to control every aspect of life and instead embrace destiny. The misses and the mistakes are what open new doors in my life that I may not have had the fortitude to initially see the opportunity that comes along after the opportunity I initially was chasing. Women plans, God laughs. I have learned to laugh at this chaos as well. See it from a perspective of goodness. Every failure is really a new opportunity that just needs to shed the skin of my original plan.
From this, I have developed a proficiency to overcome failure. So much so I created Failureology, a coaching program for real life for real people with goals and in need of assistance overcoming obstacles. When I really thought about it, people don't need as much encouragement when they are succeeding. They need it when they are all Failing. Its remarkable how much work goes into success that is really just being able to keep on going when you find yourself headed completely off course.
If I didnt learn to keep going or to change my perspective of the bad things that I will inevitably and continually face, I might be paralyzed and unable to live.
I choose to live. To keep going. To smile at the rain drops dripping on my head ruining my hair I spent 20 minutes to flat iron. My cold wet feet when I rush into a meeting through that rain and I have to show up for a client, or a friend. I can not let it weigh me down and neither can you.
So today, on a day that I just found myself feeling meh...I wanted to write this and remind you. It can not and will not rain forever.
And no one ever said, you can't smile in the rain. Choose your thoughts wisely because whether you believe you can, or believe you can't you are right.
and I believe you can.
Sincerely,
The Successologist